Made in China

The beauty of this city as seen through the eyes of a visitor, has faded off as I have become set into the reality of how hard the Cantonese work, at the expense of all that I believe to be just. I have come to realize that I will always be an outsider in this extremely colloquial tight knitt culture. And with that, many of us so called "expats" have come to accept that reality and moved on with our own ways, in the comforts of the company of people from other parts of the world, here to pursue similar ambitions: work.

But I can't settle with being an outsider, despite the many well respected friends from all over the world,who come and go as they please. My sense of belonging and being someone in the world is in constant state of restlessness. No matter how much I have tried to make it a part of me, this place here has left me feeling alienated, between the language, the people, the harsh and inhumane working hours and the extreme speed of everything. Now, I somehow think that I have gained the understanding of the word "made in China," whenever you see this on a product, thoughts that come to mind include cheaply made, quickly fabricated, sweatshops, massproduction, imitation, it will definitely fall apart soon.

Somehow, it seems to reflect truth in the thought pattern of how things work around here, at least from what I have seen at work. time IS money, and everything done is a marathon to the finish line. speed over value. copy rather than create. standard and already approved rather than testing out new things. conventional rather than innovative. In a culture where values don't seem to fit my own, there is little room to really grow. I have come to believe that in not being accepted in this society,I myself cannot accept. With internal turmoil of who I am and who this place wants me to be, I have closed off in self defense.